Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Saturday, October 18, 2008

It's All About the Price

Today I am grading my freshman "Compare and Contrast" papers. Yes, this seems like a lightweight assignment to give to college students, but it's one of the required papers we are to assign at the community college. It is amazing to me that I've had to fail three of them so far. Weren't we doing this stuff in fourth grade?

OK, now, to the gem of the day. The writer is comparing "Jessie, who is married to a very wealthy old man" to "Amy, a call girl twice a month in Vegas."

Here are my favorite passages:

"Deep down, Jessie knew in her heart that she had only one responsibility and that was to sexually please her husband whenever he was home."

"Amy's responsibilities do not belong to a marriage based off of money, they go to what ever [sic] her client wants. But do not mistake a call girl for a hooker or stripper, they are the elite of the elite, and they have the bank accounts to prove it. Although some people might find her work dirty, Amy only has to work twice a month."

That's lovely for Amy.


Jessie's story goes on to be a tale similar to that of the woman in the Eagles song "Lyin' Eyes."

"She buys the finest clothes at little privet [sic] boutiques, but she knows she will have to pay for it in a different way with her old husband."

And this typo was unbelievably perfect:

"Amy's clients don't just pay for the sex; they pay for time. Whether it's catching one of the new shows in Vegas or going out to eat in some of the finest restraints."


  • At 8:14 PM, Blogger dp said…

    The really sad thing is that this student probably thought that he had come up with an awesome topic. He's most likely thinking it's a sure-fire A and you'll praise him in front of the whole class.


    It reminds me of when I was taking classes a few years ago and some guy in my class--I don't even remember which class it was--wrote a paper about how society is keeping the pornographers down. It was really moving. I felt so sad for the plight of the pornographers. I had thought about taking up a collection for them.

  • At 8:15 PM, Blogger dp said…

    Oh. That was me, futuresis.

  • At 8:18 PM, Blogger dp said…

    I surely will never again make the mistake of getting a call girl confused with a hooker. Thank your student for clearing that up for me.

  • At 8:26 PM, Blogger sparrow said…

    Hey, do you have any idea what fine restraints are going for these days?

    It ain't chump-change, I'll tell you that!

    This was very funny (albeit frightening).

    Thank you!!!!!

  • At 8:55 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    And that was one of the better papers.

  • At 3:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Ohhh!~ Ohhh! Here's a good comment. No, wait, this one's better! No, try this one! Ack! Ack! Overload! Overload!

    (Talk about a target rich environment)

    Are there footnotes? Amy's phone number?

  • At 4:54 PM, Blogger Jenni said…

    I don't recall writing anything like that in 4th grade.

    But then, it was a parochial school, after all.

  • At 7:16 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Oneavid, yes...there were little fireworks going off over my head as I read the paper. It was WAY fun.

    Jenni, I meant the compare/contrast paper, not the hooker part. :)
    I remember being assigned "comparing dogs and cats as pets."

    Oddly, no one chose this topic in my current class.

  • At 7:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I can top this. But then, I teach in an ALTERNATIVE school. A few days ago I had one student teasing another student by calling Bill "Bildo". I told the student that was inappropriate...stop. He said, "I didn't use the "d" word" and I said no, you were making an alusion to it. He said, "illusion? You're having illusions of dildoes?"

    Ahem. Such are my days. Anita

  • At 7:28 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    My students are pretty difficult, but yours would do me in. Just hearing about them last time we were together made my gray matter curl up like a piece of fried baloney.
    You have my admiration.

  • At 7:52 AM, Blogger prairie biker said…

    That student must not really have any idea. I've yet to find the real difference between $10 hookers and $400 hookers. Of course, even if you're getting it for 'free', you're still paying for it.

  • At 2:11 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    PB, you thought you had to sign your name to that comment? Like I wouldn't know who it was???

    OH, and did your wife's petition for sainthood go through yet? :)

  • At 8:40 AM, Blogger Jenni said…

    Hey Candy, I gave you AN AWARD over at my blog. I have no idea how you feel about those things, but come and get it anyway. It's accumulating dust.

    ps. i knew what you meant (re. initial comment, above). i was trying to be funny.

  • At 12:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The kind of clothes sold at a privet boutique are, of course, sturdy gardening gloves, wellington boots, and scarves by Hermes.

    I think you can buy some very fine restraints online, incidently. But you have to click the box that says you're over 18.

  • At 12:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Incidentally, I meant incidentally. Candy, tell your students to proofread before they submit their papers.

  • At 1:37 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    MGM, I didn't want to have to break it to you.

  • At 1:38 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Jenni, thank you for the award!! I'm honored. I must admit I'm totally in the dark about this part of life.

    But thrilled, nonetheless.

    Sorry I misinterpreted your comment. I am 79% moron.

  • At 1:42 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Tony, you should be a guide for Adventurous Shopping Excursions. You could warm up the crowd with a timid little pair of garden gloves, and maybe one of those plastic stools used for sitting in the garden.

    Then the racy stuff, the restraints, blow up dolls of Lance Bass, etc.

    Then a wind-down trip to, say, Fingerhut, for some musical placemats and dachshund-split-in-half salt shakers.


  • At 3:42 PM, Blogger MamaMidwife said…

    You think any girl will ever marry this poor sap?

    Does he really think that all us "housewives" are only here to sexually please our husbands whenever they're home? Pushaw.

    We only sexually please them when we want something. Duh.

  • At 3:47 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    He is quite uneducated in the ways of women, MM. One day he will know.

    But not before he spends lots of money on fine restraints.

    Get this: I've got a girl in class who wanted to do her "causal analysis" paper on this topic:

    "Why Do Women Date Hugh Hefner?"

    I told her the paper would be too short, since it would be only 2 words long:

    "Cha ching."

  • At 8:42 PM, Blogger prairie biker said…

    well it's certainly not for the sha-wing!

  • At 9:31 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    You're right, PB. I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed for Hef.


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