Attitude is Everything

And mine is rotten.

For my entire life, my default emotions have been fear and anxiety. Period. That's my whole spectrum unless I forcefully push one of the ends off it and branch out to something more pleasant. Like dismay and indifference.

I will say that I've, at least, learned how to work on all this. I was making a good start a few years ago, and that became a better start when I met Scott. He was not born a positive person, but has taught himself over the last decade how to chew into the Sandwich of Positive Attitude and swallow it and digest it and make it part of his cells. It is a marvelous skill.

Me? Still a beginner. But now it's crucial. Yesterday at the doctor's office, my blood pressure was high. ME. The girl who has always had LOW blood pressure. Apparently it has to do with some, ahem, being a chick in midlife issues. Everything goes haywire. Hormones, ability to think, and formerly stable bio-systems that have never even hinted at malfunction before. Which I guess means I'm well on the road to hen-dom. The doctor gave me a one-time BP-lowering pill, which I took, then pretty much stayed horizontal the rest of the day out of my brain's hair trigger alarm system which screechs like a hoot owl: "You're going to die! SOON!"

The bottom line is that I have to correct this blood pressure thing. I had NO IDEA that this had anything to do with, as they called it in my mom's day "The Change". And the more you dip your ladle into your fear and anxiety stew (boiling and frothing in a vat the size of Saturn) the more you're probably not going to help your blood pressure. Or any other problem, especially mid-life ones.

I cannot believe I'm writing about this on my blog. These issues that belong out in the small tent of the cursed woman, whispered about, with only one small candle for light. And one small box of Cadbury eggs.

Let me just air ALL the dirty laundry in my life. I sat down yesterday in my fragile condition and watched a full episode of "The Bold and the Beautiful." So there. String me up. By the way, Marcus has recovered from the cobra biting him. And yes, the snake in the shipping box was actually meant for Donna.