Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I Keep Grading Papers and the Gems Keep Appearing

From tonight's student essays:

"For years I suffered from severed headaches."

Really. How long can you actually suffer from one of those?


  • At 7:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You have a zombie in your class!!!!!

    You've got quite a crowd there!

  • At 7:44 AM, Blogger prairie biker said…

    Severing heads takes a lot of muscle and really exercises the wrist, elbow and shoulders. If you're not used to slicing in a strong downward motion then it's very easy to cause some strain.

  • At 12:00 PM, Blogger Domhan said…

    It sounds as if prairie biker is quite accomplished at the skill of...studenticide? Recently I have been wanting to commit a few acts of GraduateStudenticide, so these tips are quite helpful.

  • At 12:13 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    I do have quite a crowd in that class. You don't know the half of it. But soon you will.

    PB, you sure know how to talk purty about beheadin'.

    HM, my students have no interest in that maneuver you mentioned. None.

    Domhan, I've recently emptied my trunk, so just let me know when you want to take a load to the pier at midnight.

  • At 2:10 PM, Blogger Jerry said…

    Don't she got no spell check all up in there?

  • At 2:20 PM, Blogger Jerry said…

    Well a severed head still has a brain. What if she were de-brained? Then she would only get an associates degree and have to work for the government or become a model or a rapper.

    Worse still, what if her personality had been severed from her body? Then she could only become a politician or a model or a sales associate in a retail store.

    Well, worse case scenario she could always follow the yellow brick road and become a hero by destroying my ex-mother-in-law.b

  • At 3:16 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    That spell check be knowin that severed be a word. But it ain't got no smarts up in there.

    You make me laugh. Model, politician. Is there a difference?

  • At 5:16 PM, Blogger Citlali said…

    Wow, O M G. What CAN you say to that? I know, I like Jerry's answer: no holds barred. "Go Jerry!!" He knows how to be harsh with style. = ]

  • At 5:23 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    "Harsh with style." Love that.

  • At 10:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey! Question for all of you English teachers. My daughter is trying find a website to help her learn SAT type vocabulary words and how they are used in sentences. Anyone?????

    Sorry to use you all in this manner.

  • At 11:16 PM, Blogger Steve B said…

    If you are completely lacking in skills are you incontinent?

    Please, bare with me here. I'm almost threw hear.

  • At 11:57 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Belle...I just googled with "SAT vocabulary words" and got several sites that look really good. I didn't put quotes around the words, though.

    Most libraries have links on their sites to SAT study guides and practice tests, too.

  • At 11:59 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    They're is know reason for their to be writing like that.

    And know, it ain't incontinent. It's in a forrin country.

    Ewe should know that, bare or knot.

  • At 5:18 PM, Blogger prairie biker said…

    Belle -

    Buy her one year subscriptions to the New York Times and The New Yorker. Tell her to look up the shit she doesn't understand.

  • At 7:01 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Belle, Prairie Biker is nothing if not pragmatic.

    For instance, he kills and eats animals.

    Usually in that order.


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