Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

A Brief Lesson in Socioeconomics

You may believe that achieving upward mobility is a long, tedious process. You wish you could break the barrier that hovers stiflingly above you, and make the leap out of your lowly means.

Like you, I assumed this would take years of effort, if possible at all. However, in a student's essay today I read this:

"The best day of my summer was when I got my caste taken off. Because it had been very itchy."

It occurs to me that I should overlook the sentence fragment in return for such valuable information, since I, similarly, have been itching to sneak up a rung or two on the socioeconomic ladder. And now there is hope. It can apparently be done in one day.

This would probably have to involve the lottery, wouldn't it?

33 Comments:

  • At 7:55 AM, Blogger EB said…

    You need to meet someone with a caste remover. And I'm pretty sure they charge for caste removal services, but with that Candy Stripper gig under your belt, I think you could probably handle it.

     
  • At 8:31 AM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    Dalit to Brahmin, all in one summer.....who'd of thought? You apparently underestimated the intelligence level of your students! What is this student doing sitting in a community college classroom!? Genius. Pure genius.

    I think you may have a future Nobel Prize winner in your midst.

     
  • At 8:46 AM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    It just occurred to me that if I were a member of a lower caste that itchiness would be the least of my concerns. Then again, if I were one of the "untouchables" and I couldn't reach a particular spot, who would help me? I could see where that could get quite aggravating. But you'd think there'd always be a rough fencepost around or something. I think I'd worry more about living in squalor and having enough to eat.

     
  • At 8:53 AM, Blogger Carin said…

    You know, perhaps that's what rosie was doing breaking those bones in her hand?!? Judging by her "poetry", I would say that the chance for a cast/caste confusion would be great with her.

     
  • At 9:17 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    EB, you stop referring to "under your belt." That's where the dollar bills went.

    Futuresis, yes, I have either a Nobel Prize winner or someone who must be removed from the gene pool. Today.

    Carin, I went to Rosie's blog for the first time the other day. She is an absolute buffoon. I mean, I KNEW that already, but reading her "poetry" totally sealed the deal. She has no redeeming qualities. If given the choice, I would spend a decade on a desert island with a hyena vs. Rosie. I think I could at least locate a spark of intelligence in the eyes of the hyena.

     
  • At 9:38 AM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    But you'd get more meals off of Rosie's carcass, if it came down to it. Plus, who would want to kill a hyena?

    Removed from the gene pool? Well, from the sound of THAT, I'd say you took your student's essay to heart and now you think you can go around removing people from the gene pool! I'd better tread lightly around you now....

     
  • At 9:45 AM, Anonymous Tony from the Bronx said…

    Among my people, one can have one's caste taken off by getting a nose job.
    T from B

     
  • At 10:11 AM, Anonymous tb said…

    Hey there! I just learned how to comment!!!

     
  • At 11:21 AM, Blogger EB said…

    And she commented on my blog first. :P

     
  • At 11:27 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Oh, I would never KILL the hyena, Futuresis. I would have complex, philosophical conversations with it. Well, at least compared to the ones I could have with Rosie.

    But indeed, you're right. Rosie could provide enough cube steak to feed the entire band of shipmates/pirates who might stop by to rescue/kidnap me.

    Ahrrr. It IS International Talk Like a Pirate Day, you know.

     
  • At 11:29 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Tony, Oy vey! And all that up in there. Know whattumsayin?

    tb...how dare you visit EB's blog first. She is hideous and must be shunned.
    But YAY for commenting. I am slightly less homesick now.

     
  • At 11:30 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    EB, send me your current email address. Send it to my old university account and I'll give you my new email.
    Do it. Right now.

     
  • At 11:46 AM, Blogger EB said…

    As you wish, Mistress Prostitutia.

     
  • At 11:54 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Why, thank you, Princess Skankatoria!

     
  • At 12:49 PM, Blogger Hoosier Mama said…

    You know, the writer may also be referring to the term caste as it applies to the excrement of worms. If your student had to have a caste of that sort removed by some mechanical means, I would think that itching would be the least of his concerns.

     
  • At 12:56 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Oh. My. God.
    The EXCREMENT OF WORMS??? Could there be a more hideous phrase! Oh how I love it. I cannot wait for my afternoon class to use it on a student.

    Deliciously horrid.

     
  • At 1:21 PM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    I think this is what I love most about this blog. I always learn so much!

    Ahoy, Mateys!

     
  • At 1:44 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    That's nice to hear, Futuresis. I know how lonely you've been since you left that "alternative" commune. It's not always easy to be the 5th of 7 wives. But then look who's talking!

    I do miss the crafts you made for me there. I can never have too many woven leather potholders or name tags made out of bark.

     
  • At 1:45 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    P.S.

    Shiver me timbers!

     
  • At 1:51 PM, Anonymous oneavid said…

    Two pirate ships were crossing the ocean, one with a booty of red paint and one with a blue paint. What happened when the ships collided?



    They were marooned!

    HArrrr. HArrrr. HArrrr!

     
  • At 2:01 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Dear Candy,

    Note to self:

    1. Find oneavid

    2. Force him to swab the deck.

    3. Flog him.

    4. Force him to listen to Debbie Boone's "You Light Up My Life" for 7 hours.

    5. Mop him up.

     
  • At 2:25 PM, Anonymous Futuresis (a.k.a. Number 5) said…

    I do miss the commune life, Candy. Maybe it wasn't so bad being number 5. And that was my name there, too: Number Five.

    I have started some new crafts here, however, and I think you will particularly enjoy what I am making for you. I have started making a pair of slippers out of raccoon carcasses. One down, one to go.....

    Too bad you aren't a real pirate. I'd be done already if you had a peg leg.

    Going out to check the trap now....

     
  • At 2:33 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Raccoon carcasses. THAT old theme again?

    I remember the days when you challenged yourself. Woodland creatures were way too big. You would use your tiny instruments and make itty bitty things for me.

    The ant pinata comes to mind.

     
  • At 4:03 PM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    My creative juices have dried up since leaving the commune.

    I'm sure there is someone else out there who would enjoy some toasty raccoon slippers.

    I should have remembered that you always like to be ahead of the trends.

    I'm touched that you remembered the ant pinata. It took me days to find enough little goodies and trinkets to stuff that bugger!

     
  • At 5:21 PM, Blogger prairie biker said…

    It would seem to me that if one is untouchable and very itchy, having your caste removed is the only path to relief.

     
  • At 5:29 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Futuresis, I was most fond of the grains of sand on which you had etched landscapes.

    PB, Ahhhh. Veddy good, grasshopper! You have found wisdom.

     
  • At 5:53 PM, Blogger Hoosier Mama said…

    Raccoon slippers are SO last year…

    The hot new carcass for fall 2007 is possum…preferably roadkilled.

    Traps are inhumane, you know. And the unique combination of road rash and tire tracks on each animal guarantees that every pair of slippers is a one-of-a-kind masterpiece---like a stiff, furry snowflake that smells of death.

     
  • At 6:30 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    "...like a stiff, furry snowflake that smells of death."

    Dang, Hoosiermama, you do know yer fashun. You need to write for Vogue. Er, I mean Voag.

    Strike a pose.
    Or, strike a possum with yer car.

     
  • At 6:57 PM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    Wow! Thanks, Hoosier Mama! I hadn't thought of the markup I can put on those babies because of the "one-of-a kind" status. Cha-ching! And, not having to maintain traps will also be more cost effective in the long run. I'll send you the first pair from my new collection! I must go out to the Interstate now with my shovel and leaf bag....haute couture never rests!

     
  • At 1:09 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    If I had a nickel for every time I'd seen you out at the Interstate with your shovel, I could've bought me a Winnebago with a big screen TV and moved into your back yard, Futuresis.

     
  • At 9:02 AM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    How about I give you a nickel for every time I've been out there? I'd love to have you living in a Winnebago out back! Then we might FINALLY be able to have something more than a drive-by conversation! :-)

     
  • At 10:31 AM, Blogger prairie biker said…

    "A stiff furry snowflake that smells of death"

    Hahahahahahaha!

    that totally reminded me of a girl I once knew!



    Turing word (to steal from JeffG): Ubinabg dere homie, gimme sumdat sh*t.

     
  • At 12:07 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    PB, you SWORE you'd never tell.

     

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