Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Friday, December 14, 2007

Soaked, Then Purged


Is it ironic that I waterboarded a book on interrogation techniques?

Or is this just the Alanis Morrisette brand of irony? You know, where there are ten billion spoons when all you need is a knife, etc. Oh, and then you meet the man of your dreams, and then you meet his beautiful wife? Isn't it ironic? Don't you think? It's like raaaaaaaaain on your wedding day...

Now that I've blown Poptart chunks across my screen, let me tell you about this book.

Back when I owned a bookstore, 13 years ago, the co-owner, Rose, and I ordered all kinds of "offbeat" books. Just to put together a different vibe than the big generic bookstore across town. We ordered from crinkly little catalogs and from companies that didn't even have catalogs, only a guy answering a phone in Montana. Sometimes we didn't even know what the books were about, but had been made curious by the titles. And each time the boxes of new merchandise arrived in our store from their obscure origins, it was like Christmas.

How we thought that a book entitled Interrogation: A Complete Manual could be anything groovy or postmodern or humorous or kitschy is a simple testament to our stupidity. We opened it. We stared at it blankly. We never put it on our shelf to sell, because what kind of shredded up karma would that bring back?

And so, when we closed our store, after it went belly-up in less than two years, this was one of the books I kept, not wanting it to fall into the eager hands of a Jack Bauer wannabe. (Though Jack Bauer was yet to be created back then.) Here I am thirteen years later, with the book still in my possession. I didn't want to throw it in the trash, so I decided to drown it.

As you can see, I felt sorry for it, floating grimly in the kitchen sink. So I brought out the duckies.

14 Comments:

  • At 10:00 PM, Anonymous Scott P said…

    I think the duckies make a nice contrast to the freaky sh!t that's inside. *shudder*

     
  • At 5:36 AM, Blogger Steve B said…

    You are, well, just a liiiiiiitle bit strange.

     
  • At 7:56 AM, Blogger Dana said…

    To Steve b - Just a little bit strange? That's toning it down a bit...but you have to admit that is the allure of Candy!

     
  • At 11:04 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Yes, that was some dark stuff in that book.

     
  • At 11:07 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    *I'm* strange??? This, coming from a guy with a blog called "Tattered Bits of Brain?" Oh, woe is me.


    Thank you, Dana. YOU understand me.

    Heh.

     
  • At 1:03 PM, Anonymous Ana said…

    Those duckies look sore afraid.

     
  • At 3:15 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    It is certain: duckies do not cotton to interrogation.

     
  • At 4:33 PM, Blogger Domhan said…

    Ok, so it rained on your wedding day.
    You met the man of your dreams (SANS wife).
    And once--no spoons nor knives--you gave me a fork. A fancy French fork.

    Does that make you half ironic?

    Yeah, half ironic and strange as shit. Now suck dem poptart chunks off your computer screen and embrace your weirdness!

     
  • At 5:15 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Oh how I loved that fork. Straight from the innards of Paris.

    Send me a pitcher of it sometime and I'll post it. It was classy and stuff.

     
  • At 8:43 PM, Blogger Steve B said…

    Well, I didn't mean to say it like it was a BAD thing...

    I generally, as a rule, only visit the blogs of people at least as wierd as me. You more than qualify!

     
  • At 10:25 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Steve, I'm honored to be in your category of weirdness.

     
  • At 1:57 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    This comment has been removed by the author.

     
  • At 3:10 PM, Blogger Carin said…

    Candy has ways of making one talk ...

    Hey, that would have been one FUNNY book to throw into my church's annual booksale bin. Can you IMAGINE ... those nice Catholics sorting books and finding that. LOL.

    I'm snickering just thinking about it.

     
  • At 3:36 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    There are endless possibilities for where to leave this book. Imagine seeing it on a guy's coffee table on your first date, etc.
    Ahhh, but now it has gone the way of the Minnie Mouse shoes.

     

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