Disturbing Christmas Ornament #3

Think back.

Do you remember when you used to go and sit on Santa's knee? You'd be all "...and I want a bicycle and a little book about cats and a..."

And he got a weird look in his eye and then his nice red suit started to bulge (do not make this dirty) and then his muscles mutated and popped the buttons off his coat and tore it to shreds. Remember?

And then in Santa's hideous green glory he asked you, in an unearthly death growl, what else you wanted ole Santa to bring you. But by then you had already peed on him from the sheer terror, and as you were jettisoned across the velvet rope into the line of whimpering, also-peeing children, all you really wanted for Christmas was to escape Santa Hulk before he ripped out your greedy little heart and made you eat it.

At home, you changed out of the pants you'd laid your own yuletide log in and hid under your blankets.

But Santa will still find you. On Christmas Eve he will be squeezing one bulbous green thigh at a time down into your chimney. Visions of sugarplums? Yeah. Sure.