Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Disturbing Christmas Ornament #2

It was a long, long night of travel for the three wise men. The desert sand blowing into their burning eyes, the camels trodding along wearily. The two gifts for the baby Jesus were wrapped in the finest linen and tied down securely on the saddles.

Oh, you thought there were three gifts?

In the cloisonne translation of the story of Bethlehem, there is gold, frankincense, and Merv, the slow-witted "wise" man on the last camel. He insisted on coming along because of the rumor that the newborn messiah was also one of the piglet-faced people. Merv longed to be accepted by royalty.



The only thing better than finding this ornament at T.J. Maxx was finding it at 60% off the already reduced price.

18 Comments:

  • At 7:51 AM, Blogger Dana said…

    Very. Disturbing. Indeed.
    WHAT is the flesh colored item trailing down the side of the (what I'm assuming is a) camel at the area that is (what I'm assuming is) the Magi in the back?

    This, dear Candy, is a great find indeed. I'm pretty sure they will be fighting over this beauty when your will is read...

     
  • At 8:25 AM, Blogger Hoosier Mama said…

    Please stop.

     
  • At 8:41 AM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    I was just about to ask whether Merv forgot to wear pants. It looks like Dana noticed the same thing I noticed. I hope that it's a scrawny leg.

    These cloisonne Christmas ornaments are kind of psychedelic.

     
  • At 8:45 AM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    How is it that three camels have ten legs?

     
  • At 9:53 AM, Blogger Ana Martin said…

    This was in the Christmas-ornaments -for-the-blind area, wasn't it?

     
  • At 10:02 AM, Anonymous Scott P said…

    Oooooooohhhhhhh, Ana. Fear the wrath of Candy.

     
  • At 10:03 AM, Anonymous Scott P said…

    Or, in Trekkie parlance, the "Wrath of Kahn-dy".

     
  • At 10:40 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Oh no.

    Dana and Futuresis. I did not even SEE that. But it is nothing disgusting. Not on MY Christmas ornament.

    I forgot to explain the rest of Merv's lineage. He is of the special piglet-faced tribe that had OCTOPUS ancestry. That tentacle was gripping the saddle.

    Yeah. That's it.

     
  • At 10:41 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Hoosier Mama. I can't. I've tried.

     
  • At 10:42 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Ana. How dare you insult my beautiful art. No. It was not in the blind-person section. It was buried in the clearance rack of macrame lingerie.

     
  • At 10:48 AM, Blogger Domhan said…

    I thought the wise men had been following Haley's comet a little too long, had detoured up the Pacific Northwest of what is now the United States of America, and were bringing geoduck clams to the manger.

    That, or elephant penises.

     
  • At 10:52 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    ELEPHANT PENISES???
    Oh, how very Christmasy.

    You just wait until I come over and use a chainsaw on your solstice tree!

    And then I'll chop up your Joey Ramone action figure.

    Yeah, that's what I'll do.

     
  • At 12:57 PM, Blogger Carin said…

    Somehow a "camel toe" reference should be able to be fit in here ... but I'm just coming up short today.

     
  • At 4:06 PM, Blogger Jerry said…

    That thing is scary. They all look like mutants. At first I thought it was 3 of the 7 dwarfs visiting Egypt. That one could make toddlers run screaming. The manufacturer should be sued for defaming a religious icon.

    I saw a Santa made by a local craftsman last year that made Saint Nick look like a Romanian wino who'd been sleeping on a bench. Where's the respect?

     
  • At 4:31 PM, Blogger Mad Grad Mom said…

    Why does the wise"man" in the front have the decolletage to make Dolly Parton's bosoms look like Paris Hiltons? Is that wiseman in drag???

     
  • At 4:54 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Mad Grad, Dude, that is his FACE. I don't see no boobs.

     
  • At 4:55 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Jerry, I admit...I probably would've purchased the Romanian Santa thingie.

    This is why my house is full of crap.

     
  • At 6:17 PM, Blogger Jerry said…

    "Jerry, I admit...I probably would've purchased the Romanian Santa thingie.

    This is why my house is full of crap."

    Candy, everybody's house is full of crap. Think of all the bizarre gifts you have received in your life--gifts that were from people you loved and didn't want to offend, so you still have the damn thing...stored...somewhere...in a box.

    That Christmas ornament is why yard sales were created.

     

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