Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Monday, November 12, 2007

Time to Beat the Husband



I have no choice but to beat him.

Why? Because the entire time I was back in Indiana with my parents, Scott sent me one after another photo of Hankie, just to make sure I wouldn't go 7 minutes without missing both of them.

What you see above is an example of Scott's new series of Hankie photos. I call this genre "Make Hankie Look Kidnapped." Instead of using a real digital camera, Scott uses his computer to take shadowy, grainy, felony-oriented photos of poor Hankie. I fully expected to get one where Hankie was holding up the latest newspaper, a ransom note around his skinny neck.

Oh, and the still photos weren't enough. No. I was also tormented with little videos of my poor cat, only 2 seconds long, of things like:

Hankie on Scott's lap

Hankie on Scott's lap during a football game

Hankie looking forlornly into the camera while silently begging me to come home and save him from the Olan Mills of the elderly feline world.

Scott has now made the foolish mistake of falling asleep before I do.
And I have quickly taught Hankie how to use a tripod.

26 Comments:

  • At 6:58 AM, Blogger prairie biker said…

    Do you have any of Hanky (or Scott) wearing lingerie?

     
  • At 7:25 AM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    Well, at least you have the consolation of knowing that the two of them were busy while you were gone.

    But in that picture, it didn't look like Hankie was having a particularly good time. But I'm glad to see that Scott has taken up a new hobby! Did he at least give Hankie a chicken wing while they were watching the game?

     
  • At 7:32 AM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    "....the Olan Mills of the elderly feline world."

    I love it!

     
  • At 8:26 AM, Blogger Ana Martin said…

    Well it's about time. I hope that your parents are ticking along and eating soup on hair day. Yes?

     
  • At 10:35 AM, Blogger Citlali said…

    Oh, yeah, hair day soup. Cool.

    You sound happy and rested -- feisty as ever, so it must have gone well. We must see the Scott revenge pics!!! ha. = ]

     
  • At 10:44 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Of COURSE we do, Prairie Biker. In so many poses we've had to alphabetize them to keep track.


    Futuresis, Scott fed Hankie so much that there is no cat on earth this spoiled. He not only got his regular 3-cans-a-day, but also turkey lunchmeat, bacon, chicken, and cheddar cheese. We keep him eating as often as possible to keep some weight on him.

     
  • At 10:44 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Futuresis...I changed it to Olan Mills. At first I had Robert Mapplethorpe, but that just sounded perverse. :)

     
  • At 10:47 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Ana, it didn't go all that well with my parents. My dad took a fall. But it was too tough to write about. He's OK, just going way downhill with the ability to walk. And refuses to use a walker, cane, anything.

    Thus, Scott was cheering me up with the photos.

    But I still have to beat him. Because it is recreational for me. Some days I have to decide: play croquet or beat Scott. Hmmm> I do have this mallet...

     
  • At 10:48 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Citlali, I need to paint Scott's face up while he's sleeping. Some nice blue eyeshadow and overdone blush.
    He will be ready for the runways of Paris.

     
  • At 10:56 AM, Blogger Citlali said…

    COOL! I can't wait...

    Sorry it didn't go so well. My hear goes out to you. Your dad sounds like one tough cookie though -- AND feisty. Looks like we know where you get that now... I'm thinking good thoughts for you all. = ]

     
  • At 10:57 AM, Blogger Citlali said…

    ugh, my hearT. lol. yikes. = ]

     
  • At 11:04 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Thanks, Citlali. He's very tough, always has been. At 89 he is only on medicine for Alzheimers. No drugs for blood pressure, arthritis, diabetes, any of that stuff most people get.

    I appreciate your heart AND your hear. :)

     
  • At 11:16 AM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    I can't wait to see how Scott looks after his *makeover.*

     
  • At 11:36 AM, Anonymous Jackie O. said…

    I am utterly in love with your cat, Candy. In fact, I'm president of The Hankie Fan Club and am going to use the picture you posted for the cover of our monthly newsletter, _Hankie, Our Chief_. Get it? "Handkerchief"?

    ...Never mind me. I'm just coming down from my Tuesday morning 'ludes.

    But I really do love your kitty.

     
  • At 11:40 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Jackie O., then you are in for a treat. There are more Hankie photos on the way in the days to come.

    And thank you for shielding Hankie from those boisterous fans last time the fan club met. His paws get stiff from signing autographs.

     
  • At 12:13 PM, Blogger Jerry said…

    I like cats.

     
  • At 2:10 PM, Anonymous Belle said…

    me too

    they are so relaxed

     
  • At 2:36 PM, Blogger Mad Grad Mom said…

    Actually, Hankie looks more like a demon cat about to jump out of my computer screen . . . maybe he was just thinking how to get even with Scott.

    Oh, and since when were you worried about Maplethorpe sounding too perverse?

     
  • At 2:38 PM, Blogger Mad Grad Mom said…

    And, Candy, a croquet mallet??? You move to a big city and get all classy on me. I gots me a special huzband-beatin' stick. I stoled it from my mama if you wanna borry it.

     
  • At 3:49 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Cats. Relaxed. And Hankie, at 19 going on 20, is as relaxed as it gets. He is like our own little meditation fountain.

     
  • At 3:52 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Mad Grad...I just didn't want to think of Hankie in the same realm as Mapplethorpe. I know he did some "normal" photos, but I don't associate him with those: a grad student friend of mine who had just gotten married gave me her Mapplethorpe book, the theme of which can only be summed up as "Big African American Weener."

    Wait. Was that redundant?

    She said she didn't feel right having it anymore, since her husband might be offended. So I sold it on amazon. It went fast.

     
  • At 3:53 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    And Mad Grad, thanks fer the offer on that speshul sitck. But I cain't have no stick in my house what YER momma has touched.

     
  • At 5:49 PM, Blogger prairie biker said…

    "I really do love your kitty."

    heh.

     
  • At 5:54 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    I am going to hurt you, PB.

    Bad.

     
  • At 7:28 PM, Anonymous carin said…

    I could make a bad joke about Scott playing with your kitty while you were gone, but I think PB's contributions have been enough for one thread.

     
  • At 7:32 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Ha! As twisted as I am and I didn't think of that. I'm losing my touch. Er, you know.

     

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