"Not as Long as You Live Under MY Roof..."

Today in my freshman class, the topic was argumentation. We discussed the Rhetorical Triangle and how to use its 3 points to convince your audience of something. The choices in the arsenal are logical appeal (logos), emotional appeal (pathos) and credibility (ethos). The best approach is, of course, a good mixture of all three.

I broke the class into 2 groups. I gave them this assignment:

The group on one side of the room was to represent an 18-year-old girl who is going to break the news to her parents (represented by the other half of the class) that she has met the love of her life. She has been dating him for two weeks. They feel like they've known each other forever. They are madly, unstoppably in love. She has decided to have his very cute nickname tattooed across her chest, just below her neck. The very cute nickname of the love of her life happens to be "Pee-Pee."

Before the scenario was acted out, the "parents" and "the girl" prepared secretly in the huddles of their respective groups. They were to anticipate the arguments that the other side would make, and to utilize all three parts of the Triangle against their opponent. One kid, a very sweet blond boy named Logan, always hard-working and trying to fulfill the assignments, had a deeply earnest look on his face as he asked the members of his group "Do you think Pee-Pee has a job?" The discussion whispered on.

Then, I opened the starting gates.

The 18-year-old girl (who had chosen, as a group, the name Shawntay) burst upon her waiting parents and said "I'm getting a tattoo of my boyfriend's nickname on my chest and there's nothing you can do about it!"

I put the conversation on pause and discussed concepts like "presentation" and "ramping up." Maybe, I suggested, you start out with "Hi, Mom, Dad...what's new?" OK, start again.

Shawntay: Hi Mom and Dad. How are you? I have some news.

Mom and Dad: What is it, Shawntay?

Shawntay: Pee-Pee. The news is Pee-Pee.

Mom and Dad: What in the world is Pee-Pee?

Shawntay (in a very rehearsed fashion): Pee-Pee is the love of my life. We have been seeing each other nonstop for 2 weeks, every day. One day we will be married. But right now I am leaving for the tattoo parlor to get his name put on my chest.

[brief moment of silence]

Mom and Dad: Then you just pack your damn bags and get outta my house, Shawntay!

I put things on pause again. Would there be, perhaps, some reasoning? Some discussion? Some logical appeal? Is there, dare I suggest, some middle ground? OK, start again.

Mom and Dad: What if you get this tattoo and then Pee-Pee cheats on your ass? Then what?

Shawntay: He would never do that. Pee-pee loves me!

Mom and Dad: 'Pee-Pee loves me! Pee-Pee loves me!' Pee-Pee doesn't know one thing about love. We forbid you to see him again.

Shawntay: You can't do that! I'm 18 years old!

Mom and Dad: As long as you live under OUR roof, no more Pee-Pee!

Shawntay: You will never understand anything. He understands me! I'll just go live with him. Right now.

Mom and Dad: Then he can pay all your tuition bills and put up with your shit. And you can give back that Blackberry we gave you.

Shawntay: What?! That Blackberry was my Christmas present!

Mom and Dad: Christmas is over, now that Pee-Pee is here.



At this point, for a split second, even *I* am angry with Pee-Pee. He has obviously brainwashed Shawntay and is going to ruin her life.


The conversation pauses. Both groups look at me for a bit of coaching on where to go next.

"I say we find Pee-Pee and kill him."