Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

A Little Tiny Piece of My Wednesday

But a good one. I talk to my mom on the phone every day. Because I can't stand to miss a day. During tonight's call:

Candy: So I had this dream last night that you and Dad and me and Sis were on some cruise around Australia, and we were at the side of the ship on these blow-up rafts and the water was gross and muddy and nasty and I was not happy that my feet were hanging down in it. Then Dad went ashore and was running down a hill, a concrete ramp, and couldn't stop himself, and you said "Candy, go help him!" I got to the hill and saw him running out of control and yelled, in a little girl voice, "Daddy! I need you!" And that made him stop and turn around and start to come back up the hill.

Mom: Well you know what I dreamed? I dreamed I had a pig, a little baby pig, and I was holding it and I had a diaper on it and the diaper came off and it shit all over the front of me.


  • At 12:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I understand your dream completely, Candy (which, I might add, worries me greatly). But your Mom's dream confuses me - unless the diapered beshatted one immediately took up a stick and killed a rat. Just trying to connect dots here.... Hep me, hep me.

  • At 12:53 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Somewhere, in every truly meaningful story, there is someone killing a rat with a stick.

    You must only look into the fog to locate the rat, grasshoppah.

  • At 2:32 PM, Blogger Jerry said…

    Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else."

    Then everybody would leave the Cricket Boy alone, and I'd invite him over to spend the night at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping I'd have to kick him out. Maybe later we could get up a petition to get the Cricket Family run out of town. Bye, Cricket Boy.

  • At 2:45 PM, Blogger Citlali said…

    lmao. one word: therapy. lmao. ok. somewhere in all that there's an incredibly interesting super freudian interpretation. i'm so glad you shared. made my day ::sigh:: = ]

    ps: your dream was very touching.

  • At 1:03 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    HA! Jerry, was that Jack Handy?

  • At 1:05 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Citlali, it actually took me awhile to pick up on what the Dad dream meant. Duh. I do overlook the obvious sometimes.

    I was talking to my mom about the pig again tonight and she said he was only 7 or 8 inches long and very cute. I don't think he meant to crap all over her. :)

  • At 1:36 AM, Blogger Steve B said…

    No more NyQuil and Absynthe for you, young landy!

  • At 1:44 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Dude, I know that was a typo, but I really like the word "landy." Like an affectionate name for a land-dweller.
    From this day forward I shall be Candy the Landy.

  • At 7:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Has anyone stopped to consider that the pig's unexpected and admittedly unpleasant action was purposeful--a plea for help and an offer of friendship? We humans make the mistrke of judging such matters (like being crapped on), harsely, without trying to understand the pig's feelings and motivation. It's a prime instance of anthropmorphic narrowness.

    We shall haved made progress when we welcome the pig's feces--we will feel liberated from eons of imprisonment within out culturally defined taboos.

    Then and only then can we slaughter the pig and roast him (with honey, cloves,and cinammon). You add a mess of saurkraut and beans to the pot and you got yourself some damn fine eaten'. And if you're fortunate enough to live and love in a part of this great country where you can buy a low-priced beer like Hamms, or Schlitz, or Blatz, Grainbelt, Iron City, or PBR--your day is complete.

    Enjoy and remember: we are all of us, human beings, animals, trees, all vegetation, all linked together in a great chain of being. If at times a little rain may fall, or a pig poops on your new Redwing boots, it's proof that all is well in the best of all possibly worlds.

  • At 7:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Why do my comments always emerge signed by Anonymous? Is Cheney begind this? Scooter Libby? Todd Palin? This is clearly a violation of my Constitutional rights.

  • At 11:36 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Beautiful manifesto, Tony. You cooked that up faster than the pork and beans!

    Very nice touch to add "Hamm's" beer to the mix.

    Still laughing. I'd put your writing up against ANYBODY's.

  • At 11:37 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Oh, and the anonymous comment saboteurs? I'm guessing they are the pigs themselves.

    They keep gaining control, little by little.

    Ever since they took over MSNBC.


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