Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Delicious Writing

At the end of last semester, I got some exquisitely bad research papers. The following quotes came from a paper arguing in favor of gay marriage.

"Being gay isn't something you tell your family and friends and angles float down from the heavens and start strumming their harps!"

(In a deeper spiritual experience, one can sometimes experience a visitation from a trapezoid or a rhombus.)

"If society would really sit down and think about it, why would someone choose to be gay?"

Sitting down and thinking about things changes everything. Especially if an entire society sits down. Does a society have a lap?

"Society shuns upon the fact of marriage because they are just looking at the physical altercations behind it instead of realizing that along with marriage comes many other benefits that would be impossible to obtain otherwise."

If you gays out there would stop punching each other out, society would stop shunning you. After they stand up, that is.


  • At 9:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The whole thing is very tetrahedonistic.

  • At 2:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    So what do you do when you get papers like that? How do you shovel through all of that crap to help a student become literate?

  • At 7:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    If you sit down and think about it, the physical altercations can be sort of fun--you have to have a "safe word" of course and you should really check your medical insurance before you get into it. My fave finishing holds are the German Supplex and the Atomic Pile Driver. What's yours?

  • At 8:34 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Tony, I never figured you for a German Supplex guy.

    I'm big on the Headless Chicken, but my favorite is the Windshield Wiper.

    The safe word at our house: Tweezers.

  • At 8:39 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…


    I actually just gave up on the girl who wrote this paper. She had demonstrated such remarkable stupidity throughout the semester that about half a dozen times, the entire class got quiet and just pondered.

    She had no interest in school because of her "future as a model and actress."

    She will be perfect for that.

    You can't make them all be literate. I finally had to just start teaching to the ones who slightly cared and let the rest descend into the world of the mall.


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