Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Thursday, January 15, 2009

A Small Victory the Size of a Tsunami

Dad was back to "normal" today. No mention of wanting to go home, no interrogation about why he was "in this place", no reading of the Devil's script.

Because of my relief, my exhaustion from answering his nonstop questions was happy exhaustion. We were back to "Where do you call home?", "What relation am I to you?", "Where do I go to pee?", "Do you have a husband?", and all the other regulars. It was like welcoming back the cast of "The Beverly Hillbillies" after you've had a brief, extremely unwelcome commercial break with Dr. Mengele.

Mom stayed home today, trying to get over her sore throat, and I spent the afternoon and evening with Dad. I had her write him a note, telling him why she wasn't there, so I could take it to him. He read it many times when he couldn't remember where she was. I would put it in his hands and ask him to read it out loud for me. His voice is soft and faltering and his reading is slow these days. Every time he got to the part where she wrote "You are not to worry about ANYTHING, OK?" I almost cried.

He'd sit and look at Mom's familiar handwriting and I'd say "Did you hear that? You're not supposed to worry about anything! OK?"


The victories now are very small. We have to look harder. But they are still victories.


  • At 11:53 AM, Blogger c . . . said…

    Candy ...

    you know me and my troubles with faith and my general objection to being sappy, but i can't help reading about that note and thinking there's a cosmic one for you too ... your very own, personalized "consider the lilies of the field, etc."

    (take this with a huge grain of salt, however, since my word verification is "donce" ... apparently i'm one U away from dunce.

  • At 2:06 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    As dense as this sounds, it has not even occurred to me to cut out the worrying since I got here. I do need to remember the lilies of the field. I've got a complex that makes me feel as though I am solely responsible for making things better here. Even though it's not rational. I've even taken on the thought that it's my fault my dad is in the nursing home.

    Amazing how messed up your thinking can get when you're in despair.

    Thanks for the reminder of that verse. Maybe you're one "A" away from "dance!"

  • At 12:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    “The life of man is a long march through the night, surrounded by invisible foes, tortured by weariness and pain, towards a goal that few can hope to reach, and where none may tarry long.”

    Pity Bertrand Russell, is all I can say. Faith, hope, love - that's the ticket.

  • At 9:22 AM, Blogger Citlali said…

    :::sigh::: Tsunamis can be good, eh? awesome. hope your mom gets better soon. hugs. = ]


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