Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Vegetables as Fashion

From tonight's pile of papers to grade:

"Starbucks allows facial hair and piercing to be shown, and pretty much any hair style you want. As long as you wear the green apron and a collard shirt you're considered a prime Starbucks candidate."


I can't blame the boy for wanting to garb himself up in vegetables. Why, just this past June when I got married, I purchased an entire trousseau made from long squiggly carrot slices.

28 Comments:

  • At 7:18 AM, Blogger prairie biker said…

    Collard shirts are especially useful if you have a habit of spilling vinegar and brown sugar down your front.

     
  • At 10:29 AM, Anonymous CraigC said…

    It would be especially convenient if you happened to fall into a plate of fried chicken.

     
  • At 11:14 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    I've never even tried collard greens, but that shirt made me want to.

     
  • At 11:26 AM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    Collard....the new "fabric of our lives."

    Way to be GREEN, Starbucks! HA. Like that?

    You know what sounds really good? A collard-mocha frappucino.

     
  • At 11:28 AM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    AGH! I mean, frappuccino! I'm an idiot.

     
  • At 11:32 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    I can NEVER forgive you for misspelling Frappahcheeno. I thought you was klassy. You aint.

     
  • At 11:33 AM, Blogger Hoosier Mama said…

    Dang! I knew I shouldn't have worn my mustard greens halter top to that Starbucks interview!

    No wonder they haven't called.

     
  • At 11:41 AM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    Candy: I is so klassy! Jest cuz ma spellin ain't all perfict don't mean I ain't got me a sh*tload of klass. You did teach me, after all. Now I'm gone ta fetch ma teeth an git me sommadat fancy coffee drink.

    Hoosier Mama: Mustard greens, collard greens. Like they can tell. I'm sure you'll be getting a call. It was a halter top, after all!

     
  • At 11:42 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Hoosier Mama...I gotta feeling you'll be climbing the Starbucks ladder in no time with that halter. You know how them suit-types are.

     
  • At 11:43 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Futuresis, you cain't fetch yer teeth today. *I'm* usin' em. Or did you fergit our deal?

     
  • At 11:53 AM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    Dangit! It IS Twosday. I plumb fergot!

     
  • At 1:02 PM, Anonymous oneavid said…

    One last time, Candy. Then I will leave you in peace.

    My suggestion is to copy and paste this entire blog up to the day you moved, (book two is after you moved) including the response from your twisted, sick followers, into a book. I will do this myself for a small fee. (We have to get signed releases to use the comments from the horde of disciples)

    What do you say? Most people have to sit down and write a book. Your is already written. What is that stupid saying about a journey begins with but a single step? All you have to do is take the last step! I could just go ahead without your approval and beg for forgiveness later. Or i could publish it and blame it on your husband...yeah, that's it.

     
  • At 1:38 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    One Avid...I swedda gawd I'm working on it! And now I will have even more motivation. Because if I don't make a go of some other kind of career/moneysource, I'll have to go back to the horrific freshmen and their collard shirts.

    Thanks for the push. I take it seriously.

     
  • At 1:41 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    My poor husband is already to blame, by the way. He's the one who set me up with a blog and told me to mess around with it when I was ranting to him one day.

    Oh wait. That was mess around with HIM.

     
  • At 1:41 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Futuresis, I like to think of it as Toothday.

     
  • At 4:28 PM, Blogger EB said…

    As one of the horde of sick followers, I hereby give Candy full permission to use anything inspired by, related to, or written by me anywhere within the confines of Rant Land. But only if she promises to make a whole lot of money. And invite me to Arizona to watch the Cubs postseason.

     
  • At 9:11 PM, Blogger Steve B said…

    I wonder if it has to be a buttered down collard shirt?

    Okay, that was weak, but I'm trying.

    {{Yes, you're very trying! Ba-doomp-DOOMP!}}

    Okay, uh, just forget I was here. Thanks.

     
  • At 9:15 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    HAAAAAAAAA!!! OK, I maybe have the same bad taste you do, because I thought that was good.

    But really, there's no place legume. Heh. Get it? Huh? Didja get it?

     
  • At 9:26 PM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    Beets me what you guys are talking about.

     
  • At 9:30 PM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    P.S. Toothday: I love it! :-)

     
  • At 9:36 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    At this point I just don't carrot all anymore.

     
  • At 3:58 PM, Anonymous Belle said…

    oneovid-

    Don't leave her in peace! Keep bugging her to publish! We are a club. Keeping bugging her to post that Oblets poem and theh stories behind it!

     
  • At 5:06 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Belle, you are relentless. Which is good. I'm way too close to the total slacker end of the spectrum to do much good without reminders.

    I've read about 30 pages of that book you sent me. Wow. It pulled me right in. I'm so glad you sent it. Gotta find her other books now.

     
  • At 9:59 PM, Blogger Steve B said…

    I try to squash all these bad vegetable jokes, but they just keep leeking out.

    Don't even get me started on what happens when I put chick pees on my salad...

     
  • At 11:13 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Lettuce praise all bad puns! But if we keep going, who knows where we'll turnip?

     
  • At 7:00 AM, Anonymous Belle said…

    I don't think she has many other books.

    I am relentless. Ask my kids and husband! I am officially losing it though. I had a dream about run on sentences.

    I keep trying to think of a vegetable play on words and am too stupid to think of one.

     
  • At 6:09 PM, Blogger Citlali said…

    Yes!! Plubish, publish, publish!! AND Oy vey! with the vegetable humor. lol.lol. Wow. Oh, yeah and:
    Publish!
    Publish!
    Publish!
    Just imagine throngs of adoring fans screaming for you... Yes, we love you, Candy. = ]

     
  • At 9:01 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Love your enthusiasm, Citlali. I'll do my best to publish. Especially if it means never having to teach again. :)

     

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