You Have Summoned Me?

(Last year's Thanksgiving post, warmed up, served again. Because of my laziness. Happy Thanksgiving!)

That's right. Take a good look.

I have always been this ugly. I never went to the prom. I frightened young children. And I was picked last for every barnyard game. Even when I got onto a team, the game was almost always Red Rover, and I was too weak to break through the link between the cow and the goat, no matter how fast I ran.

So go ahead. Chop off my head and cook me and eat me. What do I care? I long for the afterlife where I might become a fuzzy bunny or a cute yellow chick.

What's that? You wish to know if there is anything I'd have done differently in my life? Yes, many things. I'd have tried to be more of a leader than a follower. I'd have eaten on the good china every day. I'd have come inside the barn when it rained, instead of looking upward to my near-drowning. I would tell someone, anyone, the key to life that I've discovered. In fact, I will tell you.

All you need to know is--

WHACK


Thud.