Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

He is Very Earnest About His Walk

In fact, I'll bet he's earnest about almost everything. How could he not be with a last name like that one?

It's obvious that "exercisewalking" is something else that Gary is earnest about, judging from the 2 hairy redwood trunks that reside where his legs should be. Those hiking boots each weigh 64 pounds, so not just any guy can make this rugged trek through the forest. It takes this guy.

Admittedly, he is probably feeling the tiniest twinge of remorse for having just run into Paul Bunyan in the woods, and killing him with his very own axe. And then Gary jumped onto poor blue Babe and wrestled him onto a barbecue pit. 3 quick turns over the flame and presto! A delicious oxen brunch in the forest! An athlete needs his protein.

But with a brisk exercisewalk, especially in the perfect "Keep On Truckin'" pose, he can clear his guilty head and go home to sort his socks, the blacks and the browns and the whites, fresh and warm from the dryer.


  • At 9:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I have some comments/questions.

    1. Why do you have this book?

    2. Gary's shorts are really pulled up high. Very Ed Grimley.

    3. I think this book was popular with a lot of middle-aged women in my hometown, back in the 80's. However, they didn't wear hiking boots and head out into nature like Gary. They wore coordinated jogging suits and usually stuck to suburban sidewalks or the mall.

    4. Is this a keeper or on the purge list?

    5. Wouldn't you change your last name if it was Yanker? I would.

  • At 9:59 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    1. I have no idea. I'm guessing I had a brief moment 20 years ago of thinking that I might start WALKING several miles a day. I think it was the same day I decided I'd build a sailboat and sail around the world solo.

    2. Yes, those shorts are way too short and tight. I cannot tolerate a man in short shorts.

    3. I would rather walk in a mall. From one store to another, and occasionally to a cash register.

    4. It's on the purge list. Although I HAVE decided to keep the pimp book.

    5. I would either change my name or simply hide in my home. I would not put it on a book.

  • At 10:42 AM, Blogger Citlali said…

    omg, I can't stop grinning, ok I'm chuckling out loud. wow, those shorts and Paul Bunyan... and poor Babe. Dang it, I want bbq for lunch now. = ]

  • At 2:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    He has...mancans.

  • At 5:48 PM, Blogger Steve B said…

    Earnest? I thought it said his name was Gary?

  • At 8:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    MANCANS I say.
    Big floppy jaloppy booblee wooblees.

  • At 8:58 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Steve, did your momma perchance make you drink Drano as a kid, like my momma did?

  • At 8:59 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Ana, no one named Yanker could have anything as undignified-sounding as booblee wooblees.

    "Guy jugs" maybe. But not booblee anythings.

  • At 9:47 PM, Blogger Hoosier Mama said…

    Ever google Mr Yanker? A few interesting tidbits...

    Gary Yanker is both an attorney and exercise enthusiast for safe and moderate impact exercise. He has been dubbed “America’s foremost authority on walking” by NBC’s Today Show. (**the Today show has dubbed itself "America's foremost authority on America's foremost authorities"**)

    Yanker is the author of eight books with over one million copies in print and two videos on walking as exercise. (Got any Yanker videos?)

    He has conducted walking clinics all over the country. (You can hurt yourself if you try walking without expert guidance, you know.)

    He stays active by participating in a variety of sports including walking, (No WAY! Walking?) running, body-building, kayaking, bicycling and cross country skiing.

    (In other words, stop making fun of him or he'll sue you, kill you with his bare hands---or perhaps legs--and kayak into the outback to dig your shallow grave.)

  • At 9:51 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    HAAAA! Kayak into the Outback? That is one bad-ass mofo.

    Please forgive me, Mr. Yanker, if you're out there. I am but a meager couch potato with no better entertainment than to poke fun at those in the enemy camp: The Physically Fit.


  • At 7:55 PM, Blogger Tony from the Bronx said…

    Yanker, huh? Mr. Yanker? Walks around the woods a lot in tight short shorts? I got a different idea of what happened when he met Paul Bunyan up there on Brokeback Mountain. And Babe makes three.

  • At 8:42 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    I don't know who's howling more: me or Babe.

    Great perspective. How I missed it with Yanker is beyond me.

  • At 11:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Videos of Gary Yanker
    at this youtube channel


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