Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Monday, January 18, 2010


Oh how I hate the beginning of a semester. Hate it hate it hate it.

I know exactly how lucky I am to have a job, and benefits. Really, I do. And I 100% appreciate it.

But there is still the jello mold problem. When semester break comes, it is an emotional tempest. I always swear that I'm going to do great things, mark every item off my Semester Break List. I'm going to get all that stuff done and then have 2 or 3 days before classes start to just relax. This has been my plan every single semester break since I started teaching in 1998.

The plan has never once come to fruition.

Instead, what happens is that I tell myself "Ahhhhh! Final grades are turned in. I'm going to give myself one really lazy day or two. I'll stay up until the wee hours, sleep in shamefully late, be in my pajamas until dinner time. Rejuvenate."

And then I never fully come back. As a result, I do not accomplish my many goals. Nor do I ever get back into the habit of going to bed at a semi-decent hour. The late night is just too delicious. This crappy sleep pattern, of course, turns me into a slug. I don't want to do anything, go anywhere, see anyone, or move from my couch. I discover that I have fully transformed into a puddle. Like a sweet little lime green jello mold with carrot bits adorning its insides. Lift the shiny mold off it, let it sit out at room temperature for a whole day. And there it is, a green oil slick dripping off your kitchen table, with carrot-sliver death-stare fishies plopping onto the linoleum to their open-mouthed final resting place.

Then a new semester approaches. Fast. As in, tomorrow. And here I am, trying to mop myself up and coax and cajole my brain into re-entering a teaching state of mind. Which is a lot like pushing a wagon filled with granite up a hill with a toothpick.

But I do not take my job for granite.


  • At 4:14 PM, Anonymous Gail Storey said…

    I think you're being too hard on yourself. So be tender with yourself, okay? I subscribed to your fabulous blog, but now I'm going to actually make a donation that you can put toward a massage, or whatever would feel good. Also I'll send peaceful vibes.

  • At 6:06 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Gail! Thank you so much! You're so generous. And believe me, it will go STRAIGHT to a massage. I was just saying yesterday that I desperately need one.

    What a nice surprise.

    And, get this, both Scott and I are REALLY hard on ourselves. So we now have a jar we have to put a quarter into, each time we rag on ourselves. It's only been a couple of days and we're up to about 8 bucks between us. We've decided to use the money for some kind of trip someday. At this rate, we'll have enough to circle the world a few times. :)

    Thanks again. And thanks for the vibes.

  • At 9:03 AM, Anonymous Scott P said…

    "And there it is, a green oil slick dripping off your kitchen table, with carrot-sliver death-stare fishies plopping onto the linoleum to their open-mouthed final resting place."

    Wow. I might have to hit the "massage fund" tip jar myself.

  • At 9:05 AM, Blogger Steve Berven said…

    I personally want to know who was the crazy person that first looked at a pan full of lime jello, and thought to herself, "You know, I'd that be just AWESOME with some...carrot shavings in it."

    Seriously? And what's worse...people keep DOING it?!


    Everyone know the only thing you put in lime jello is bologna.

  • At 8:28 AM, Anonymous jenni said…

    Oh Candy, I feel the same way about the start of school, only I'm a homeschooler and the students are my children so I don't get to leave them at the end of the day and go home.

    I, too, am the jello puddle. Recovery is sadly impossible.


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