What Can We Name the Baby?

Don't freak. I have not conceived.

But baby names are the topic at our house. I saw on someone's blog the other day that a friend of hers had named her baby girl "Story." Which I thought was cool. As in, write your own, kid. Reject whatever sad narrative the world wishes to glom onto you. This is your movie.

Then I saw in the celebrity news that Minnie Driver gave birth to a baby boy and his middle name is Story.

What is the deal?

Baby names have always fascinated me. So much so that I actually once purchased a book called 15,000 Baby Names just so I could look at them all, never intending to be a parent.

In my college dorm, my girlfriends and I would get into all manner of philosophical discussions late at night. Topics ranged from our future careers to space travel to the meaning of grades, to our periods. One night we started talking about which words would be beautiful names for girls if not for the meaning of the word. My friend Mary said "Diarrhea." And indeed. Listen to the beautiful music of "Diarrhea" as you fence yourself off from its meaning. Ahhh. Dia-rrhea. Look at you in that gorgeous prom dress, Diarrhea. Your beau can't wait to load you in the car. Don't run!

On my favorite soap opera, "The Bold and the Beautiful" (home of deliciously bad acting) there are brothers named Thorn and Ridge. They have a brother-in-law (who recently killed himself to give his heart to his sister Donna) named Storm.

Scott and I now keep trying to think of other nouns that could be used to name a baby. Some are more hip than others. See if you can add to our list:


Sternum

Hemp

Frito

Retina

Pistachio

Cheese

Bunyon

Tibia

Labia

Vulva

Crop

Shard

Prius

Aroma

Grinder

and my personal favorite, Cochlea.

But we're afraid she might want implants.