Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Saturday, March 17, 2007

They're Breeding

I travelled today. A long, frightfully unpleasant mixture of psychotic cab drivers and missed flights. After 16 hours of sojourning, finally my plane landed in Phoenix. I had noticed two pregnant women sitting in front of me, both maybe 25-ish, both looking 5 or 6 months bulbous. Both were wearing pink T-shirts. On one shirt: "Make mine a girl!"

I had not heard them speak during the flight, because of the noise of the jet. I now thank God for that. Because when we were waiting for the plane doors to open and release us, PFSG (Pregant Former Sorority Girl) #1 asked PFSG#2

"So, like, what do you think of Lily" (pronounced Leh-leeeee) "for a name?"

#2: "Oh, that's like so cuuuute!"

#1: "It was my grandma's name, but I can't remember if it was her first name or her middle one."

#2: "Oh."


#1: "But it's like, waaaay too popular..."


#1: "But then, maybe my baby will be popular!"

I don't know what came after that, because I was using a fire extinguisher as a battering ram against the tiny innocent oval window of the jet, seat 26A.


  • At 12:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I am beginning to lose all hope for humanity. They are everywhere and they are reproducing. Please pass the fire extinguisher so I may bash in my skull....

    With Love,
    Your Future S-I-L

  • At 6:36 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Dear Futuresis,
    Yes. We are doomed. We must accept it. I will meet you later to gobble down the strychnine.

  • At 4:15 PM, Blogger sparrow said…

    ... like the sorority girl who giggled behind the counter at Kohl's yesterday when the elderly man informed her he was buying the dress to bury his wife in?...

    Pass the extinguisher por favor.

  • At 3:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Just when you think it cannot get any worse....

    Never has strychnine sounded so appetizing!

    Pixie, I will pass the fire extinguisher only if you promise me that you are headed to Kohl's with it to beat the sorority girl senseless. Oh wait. She is senseless, isn't she? Then just beat her.


  • At 1:32 PM, Blogger prairie biker said…

    The great thing about sorostitutes is they never remember your name, only if you were wearing any designer labels and whether or not you were a decent lay.

    And fortunately they are usually only all too willing to swallow the evidence.

  • At 9:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    There must be an uber-secret society of sane people that I can join. Somewhere.

  • At 9:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Scott P,

    Great idea! How about we all start one? You can be our leader, since you're the sanest of us all.


  • At 9:56 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    I did a full-body cringe when I read about the Kohl's girl, Pixie. How must that old man have felt? Really twists up the stomach, doesn't it?

    Futuresis...Scott is a good cook. We'll get him to make some delicious hemlock shortcake and we'll invite the sorority girls over. Prairie Biker, you can join us, to make use of the bimbettes one last time. Ahem. But be sure to wear designer clothes. You know, Tommy Hilflogger and such.

  • At 11:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I think I now understand why they are raising money for cancer (the previous rant). They are trying to kill off the rest of us.

    Candy, please have Scott hurry up with that hemlock shortcake before it is too late! (I just hope that it will take effect before they make themselves throw it back up.)


  • At 11:20 AM, Blogger Miss B said…

    no no no... WE do not take the strychnine... we feed it to them (as super weight loss supplement)...

    funny... those sorority girls I knew before now wish they were me... imagine their surprise when I ignore THEM... ;)


Post a Comment

<< Home