Another Mensa Vote for Sorority Girls

On our giant campus, you can almost always locate a couple of sorority girls shaking their donation cans, piercing the ozone with their shrill, nasally, needle-y, cheese-grater-on-the-eardrum voices, begging for change for some wonderful philanthropic cause that will look like a sweet glistening bon-bon on their surfacey, meaningless resumes.

This is what I heard coming out of the glittery, lip-glossed, overlicked mouth today:

[shake shake shake, sound of coins in a can]

"Help support cancer!!!!!"

[shake shake shake]

"Help support can--- um, I mean, Give money to cancer!"


I am forming a plan to leave the planet.