Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Monday, February 05, 2007

Go Forth and Multiply

Last week in my freshman class at The Big University we were discussing ethics. That was my first mistake.

We entered into a conversation about college women being egg donors for childless couples. Some couples will pay up to $50,000 for this service. Give us your eggs, you smart, tall, gorgeous, athletic, blond coed, and then go away so we two homely, short, hair-like-a-Brillo-pad, mathletes can have a big pretty amazon baby. Here's your check. Don't call us.

Some of the girls in the class said they'd jump at the chance for that kind of money for something so "easy." Blah blah. The usual.

I asked the guys what they thought about donating sperm. Keep in mind, I told them, that the women here in the classroom would have limited numbers of children out in the world, but your sperm could populate a small country. Would it bother you to know that you might have thousands of offspring walking around on the planet that you could never meet?

Short span of silence. Then...

"Nah," said Juan.

Why not, I asked.

"Because. Like, our dog ran away a couple years ago and he ain't never came back."

I do not even pretend to understand that.


  • At 8:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…



    Juan nor his dawg probably ain't never been neutered, neither (snuck, drool).

  • At 9:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Juan may be on to something. Unlike the faithless dog, the 1000+ off-spring may demand to know their biological dad. And there ain't no room in the double-wide for a thousand more runty lil' crotch-scratchers.
    T from the B

  • At 8:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh. For a second I thought that T from da B said that "Juan may be on something."

    Which is what I think.

  • At 11:55 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Ha! Chubby, you is right. Them kind never gits newtered.

    Tony, beautifully put, as usual. The faithless dog is the smart one here.

    Scott, Juan doesn't need drugs to be this odd. He is a special talent.

  • At 2:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…


    We need some rant!!! We are starving!!


  • At 2:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Can you tell I am not a seasoned blogger? Belle

  • At 11:34 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Belle, your message is very kind. Candy is running back to civilization as fast as she can. Stay tuned.

  • At 6:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Whew. I have been flopped on my desk, gasping for a rant these many cold long days now. Think goldfish lips.

  • At 12:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Thanks, Candy. Civilization needs you. Hope you are ok, CK!


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