Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

More Bonding With Mom





I've mentioned before that my mom is a food bully.

When I was in Indiana last week, I was making myself a turkey and cheese sandwich for lunch.

Mom: You want some sweet pickle slices on that?
(She knows I have always hated sweet pickles like I hate a rake in the face.)

Candy: No, I don't like sweet pickles.

Mom: You asshole.

Candy: I'm an asshole because I don't like sweet pickles?!

Mom: Yes. Asshole.

Hear ye, hear ye. Let it be known throughout the land that if any person shall reject the offer of a sweet pickle, that person shall become a giant rectum for all time.

8 Comments:

  • At 8:28 AM, Blogger Steve B said…

    Your mom, uh, really calls you an asshole?

    Over pickles?!

    So many of your deep-seated psychological issues suddenly make SOOO much sense...

     
  • At 9:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dude, I'm just glad you chose a picture of the PICKLES to illustrate your post.

     
  • At 10:05 AM, Anonymous Scott P said…

    Dang, pinkthis, that was funny.

     
  • At 1:44 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    It's our personal brand of mother-daughter banter. Kind of like smearing peanut butter on a dog's eyebrows instead of petting it.

     
  • At 1:44 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    HA!!! Pinkthis. The decision was a tough one.

     
  • At 2:30 AM, Blogger Citlali said…

    Makes me wish my mom was like that. hugs = ]

     
  • At 9:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Well, I was having some serious thoughts so I thought I'd visit candyrant for some happy thoughts. When I read this one, I began convulsing - even though this woman is MY mother, too! I don't understand - she never speaks to me that way. Maybe our Mom is schizophrenic OR candy brings out and savage in her!

     
  • At 10:31 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    She doesn't speak to YOU like that because you like all the same gross foods as she does. Sweet pickles, butter, mayonnaise. Eccccch.

    I dare you. Just cross her once with your food preference and see what happens. Tell her you don't like reubens anymore. Then duck.

     

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