Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Too Good Not to Post

My niece's husband left this in the comments section of an older post. I take great comfort in hearing stories of others who deal with deep, multi-layered stupidity:

"okay, so, as you know, i work at starbucks. i was working the drivethrough when one of those brittany's came through. she was talking on the cell when she pulled up, and continued for approx two full minutes before even acknowledging the fact that i was trying to get her out of the drivethrough. maybe it's drivethru. anyway. she hung up, and had the audacity to say 'sorry, i was on the phone'. wow. she ordered her drinks, and pulled up to the window. when she got up there, she asked me if i knew what a nozzle is. growing up in a similarly small town, actually, mine might be smaller, i know that a nozzle goes on the end of a hose, or on a spigot, to control water flow. she tells me that i am wrong and starts grabbing at her nose saying, 'you know, a nozzle'. with restraint from pulling her through the window, and putting her tongue on the steaming wand of our espresso machine, i said, 'no, that's a muzzle'. she stared at me with that look that only brittany can give you after telling her the meaning of life ('sorry, the mall is closed on sunday' look), and said 'that's why the dnr (department of natural resources, for those that don't know) didn't know what i was talking about.' she proceeds to tell me that she saw a wolf in our downtown decent-sized city, DEAD, ON A COUCH, with blood on its nozzle. hmmmm. okay, after growing up in small town, I know wolves avoid people. dogs in general are smart. wolves, even smarter. so to find one in town, they gotta be REAL hungry. to find one dead on the side of the road, tough to come by. to find one that crawled onto a couch, bit its tongue, and then gave up the ghost. wow.
so we spit in her drink a few times (kidding), and laughed at her. it made my weekend."


  • At 2:29 AM, Blogger Citlali said…

    I agree -- very much worth the post and the read. How nice it must be to live in her alternate universe though a little confusing perhaps. = ]

  • At 12:55 PM, Blogger Monique in TX said…

    If you liked the story, you'll LOVE this site It's a compendium of stories from those who work retail...

    Word Verification: Clespina--a medieval keyboard instrument which employs a series of tiny bells rather than struck or plucked strings.


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