The Sacred Sisterhood

Now that I'm back at the Big Giant University, I realize just how much I have missed you, sorority girls! What a dismal two years I spent without even a glimpse of your precise, matching first-week-of-classes outfits. Your glowing white shorts and highway-cone-orange T-shirts with "Go Greek" written in its curlicue font. If, instead of girls, you were letters written in longhand, you would all be "i"s with sweet little hearts for the dots.

I have missed your quotable quotes. Like the girl who walked out the door of the sorority house and spoke into her cell phone: I have to hang up now. I have to concentrate on walking.

Or the earnest sister shaking her donation can out on the quad, yelling "Give money to cancer!"

I was welcomed back to campus by the happy strains coming from the sorority house on the corner near the English Building. And by "strains" I do mean that you were all yell-singing at the top of your lungs: "Jessie's girl! I wish that I had Jessie's girl...Where can I find a woman like that?"

I sometimes wonder if I am alone in my cringing over you. But then I am reassured. Just yesterday I assigned the impromptu writing assignment to my freshman class "Who Do You Wish Would Just Shut Up and Why?" Out of 22 students, 9 chose "sororities." With no coaching from me.

Please, we like, LOVE you. You totally have to keep, like, entertaining us. Oh. Em. Gee...where did you get those shoes you're wearing?! Those are totally the cutest flats I have ever seen. I'm like, dying.