Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Last Sunday Morning

Rushed around, trying not to be late for church.
Grabbed a banana, peeled it. A big chunk fell off the end.
It was immediately a fashionable hat.
Ran through the house like the prince searching for Cinderella, trying to find someone it would fit.
Photo op.
Late for church.


31 Comments:

  • At 3:58 PM, Anonymous futuresis said…

    Is that Mutt Hickey? Pair him up with Hankie in his tie!

     
  • At 4:03 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    False alarm. It's not Mutt Hickey.

    Hankie won't get his tie out again until Mother's Day.

     
  • At 5:13 PM, Anonymous Jackie O. said…

    OMG, I tewtally have that exact hat! It goes, like, superfab with my collard shirt.

     
  • At 5:17 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    And I tewtally remember you in that hat, Jackie O.! And your pink sequin tasselled pasties. You know, the ones you wore to teach class in.

     
  • At 6:00 PM, Anonymous Jackie O. said…

    Ah, yes, the pink sequin tasseled pasties. To this day I'm convinced that the best way to teach MLA documentation is by shimmying until the tassels go in opposite directions.

     
  • At 9:50 PM, Blogger Mad Grad Mom said…

    Jackie O, isn't that how everyone learns to write a Works Cited page?

    Candy, too funny. I can just see the moment this happened, too. The banana breaks off. You stare at it for a second thinking, "WTF banana." Then, your moment of genius occurs. Steam starts whistling out your ears; there's a sense of urgency to find just the right creature to give this gorgeous hat to. A choir of angels sing as you gently place the banana hat on Weiner Dog's head.

    So you missed church? God appreciates the good fashion sense.

    And, for God's sake, put some pants on that dog while you're at it. I don't wanna see that!

     
  • At 10:09 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Mad Grad, that is pretty dang much exactly how it happened.
    Oh, and we didn't MISS church. But we were late. Again.

    My sister's next door neighbor has a VERY well-endowed, ahem, weiner dog, named Oscar. When it came out into the yard once, my mother was there and said "Look at the PLOW on that thing."

     
  • At 8:06 AM, Blogger Ecrue said…

    Simply faaaabulous.

    Stylish, yet functional. Destined to be a hit with the couture set, and of course, all the effete Pinot-swilling troglodytes taking on presumptious airs of the neo-nouveau riche.

    I imagine that well-made asian knockoffs are just around the corner. They'll likely flood the market and you'll lose that certain edginess as everybody from target to walmart to BigLots starts carrying them.

    Enjoy your brief flash of fame, dear one. Such transient, fickle whimsy, these fashionistas, no?

     
  • At 9:11 AM, Blogger Mel said…

    For a second I thought that was a live dog and I was impressed you got him to stand still like that. My next thought was, you need to be putting this in a gallery somewhere! Sheer banana/weiner dog genius!

     
  • At 11:45 AM, Blogger Jerry said…

    The ASPCA and the Human Society are not going to like this, not to mention the Society for the Prevention of Banana Abuse.

    Dog mocking and misusing bananas is despicable--but very creative. Do you think there is some award for this kind of creativity?

    You are a very strange woman;)

     
  • At 11:55 AM, Blogger Norma said…

    You know Carmen Miranda is JEALOUS!

     
  • At 12:25 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Ecrue, why aren't you writing for the New York Times fashion and style section??? You could show them uppity types what for.

     
  • At 12:26 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Mel, the dog bickered too much about the contract. So I threw him in the pool.

     
  • At 12:27 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Oops. Pretend you didn't hear that, Jerry. He floated. He was fine. I fed him steak bits.

     
  • At 12:27 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Norma, EXACTLY, girl. This dog did so much magic with just ONE fruit, compared to Carmen's fruit salad mess.

     
  • At 1:55 PM, Anonymous Nancy Ann said…

    I laughed so hard I shit myself.

     
  • At 8:12 PM, Anonymous Ana said…

    This makes me think, "Roman Soldier in Egypt looking for Cleopatra in order to defile her well-toned leg." Because of the plow. And the banana. And the weiner dog. And the weiner dog with the plow wearing a banana helmet on his wee head. Of course he must be wooden.

     
  • At 8:59 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Wooden you like to know.

    And I'll bet he could outrun Cleo and have his way with that leg, what with her crusted on golden eye make-up and Cher-like platform shoes.

     
  • At 12:57 AM, Blogger JBelle said…

    He could SO have his way with Cleopatra!

     
  • At 9:15 AM, Blogger Ecrue said…

    Late for church?

    What do you think Church is or does? Is it some sort of gathering place of like-minded, yet confused acolytes?

    Does it feel like a social club like the Elks or the VFW? Is it a home away from home, or a waiting room for the hereafter?

    Do you have to take a number and hope it gets called?

     
  • At 12:44 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Ecrue,

    Church is various things to various people, of course. For me, going there is one of several things I do in an attempt to find out as much as I can about the being that created me.

     
  • At 9:28 PM, Blogger Ecrue said…

    I'm sorry if sounded a bit pickish. Yesterday was a bad day. I seem to have a lot of those lately.

    Not questioning your faith, just, wondering what people see in it.

     
  • At 9:33 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Ecrue, I didn't find it pickish. More like funny/questioning kinda tone. No apology necessary.

    Sorry you had a bad day.


    I have plenty of days when I wonder why I buy into this faith idea. I question it constantly. And I mean CONSTANTLY. It's frustrating beyond words.
    But overall, my belief in God is still what gets me through the day.
    Even though I'm hot and cold about it.

     
  • At 3:54 PM, Blogger Tony from the Bronx said…

    You know, it occurs to me that I've never seen a short-haired dachshund wearing a gigantic banana fragment on his head. The longer I live the more I wonder at the variety of human experience and the possibilities inherent in human life.

    Tell you what, though-- I once saw a two-headed pig at the County Fair. Cute as a button, even with his unusual appearance, and once more you have to wonder at the rich tapestry of our earthly journey.

    And I once saw a photo of a cat wearing what appeared to be a necktie. Good- looking cat. Good-looking cat, for that matter.

     
  • At 4:13 PM, Anonymous Mr. Bill said…

    My dear Candy,

    You are not well. Be careful. You're catching up to me.

     
  • At 4:19 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    I love you, Tony. Big time. You gave me a laugh on a bleak morning.

     
  • At 4:20 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Mr. Bill, I gotta feeling that we're going to end up with a photo finish tie.

     
  • At 6:53 PM, Blogger Ecrue said…

    Is it just me, or does that hat look quite a bit like a fireman's hat with some sort of train, like you might see on Firehouse groupy marrying the fire chief?

     
  • At 6:58 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Yes, Yes, YES! That is exactly what I thought of it. And it also reminds me of those helmet thingies the soldiers in "Wizard of Oz" were wearing at the castle.

     
  • At 6:33 PM, Blogger Citlali said…

    omg. good job. VERY creative. I expect nothing less from you. = ]

     
  • At 6:39 PM, Blogger Citlali said…

    oh, and it's ok to be late to church for that. totally. God loves creativity. On the other hand, I'd probalby not listen to me for good reasons to late to church... yeap.

    I wanna see more of these type of pics from you. You might yet find another reason to be loved and adored. ok. going now. really. = ]

     

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