Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Big-Ass Oranges



19 cents a pound. I bought 4 of them. So I could watch them rot while I eat Doritos.

posted by Candy Rant @ 1:44 PM  

33 Comments:

  • At 2:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey! I do that too! :-) But I don't limit my purchases to just oranges. I do that with all kinds of produce.

    Just today, I decided I'd try a new approach. I bought some frozen fruit, because I plan to make smoothies with the bananas that I froze because they were not going to be eaten before they rotted. But, the thing is, I'll have to get out the blender. Then, after I use it, I'll have to take it all apart and clean everything by hand. I lose interest when things get to be that much effort.

    It's so much easier to just eat Doritos straight out of the bag.

     

  • At 2:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Awwww....I see the picture there! I can see through the back of it. :-)

     

  • At 2:38 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    JUST YESTERDAY I was looking at our blender on the counter, beating myself up for having purchased it a year ago, certain that I would keep up the trend of making fruit and soy milk smoothies.

    Yeah. Twice.

    I didn't even notice the photo until I posted this! It's Futuresis's kids in their holiday portrait. I propped it up there so it would be waiting for Scott when he sat down to eat his cereal.

     

  • At 2:43 PM, Blogger Hoosier Mama said…

    They look like some sort of citrus gangstas appearing menacingly from behind (interestingly enough) an I Love You Coffee cup...
    "Where do you think you're going?" say the burly, orange thugs.

    Might as well hand over your lunch money and save yourself from suffering a can of frozen concentrated whoopass.

     

  • At 2:45 PM, Blogger Hoosier Mama said…

    HA! I just noticed that I capitalized coffee...how telling.

     

  • At 2:48 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Ooooh. Yes, Hoosier Mama. Your dark secret is out.

    Back away from the coffee cup. Now.

    Frozen concentrate whoopass. Heh.

     

  • At 2:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Me...I like melons.

    Big Ones.

     

  • At 3:21 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    You ain't all that anonymous, Anonymous. :)

     

  • At 4:26 PM, Blogger Citlali said…

    Hmm, rotten fruit... Yeah, in my house it's all about photo ops. Ever since that art addiction came over me there have been more and more rotten lemons happening. You think maybe it's my subconscious wishing for interesting things to photograph? It's more likely just a lack of motivation like futuresis. We have a juicer. It watches us from the corner of the kitchen counter, as does the fuit in the fruit bowl... Don't worry -- it looks like you have a lot of accomplices in this fuit negligence business. = ]

     

  • At 4:35 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Yeah, that's it! We do it for ART!

    Whatever the reason, I take great comfort in knowing I'm not alone in this. I always assume everyone else just DOES the healthy stuff they're supposed to do, and even if they don't eat all the veggies, they surely MUST eat all their fruit. Because fruit is really tasty and everyone loves it, right?

    Blah.

     

  • At 4:44 PM, Blogger Citlali said…

    I was doing really good there for a while with an orange-green apple-lemon combo. REALLY good if you like sour stuff. THEN.... Well, as all good habits go, it went. Yup. We had even come up with one we called the Jolly Rancher with red grapes-kiwis-lemon-strawberries, something like that. Darn good, again, IF you like sour. lol. If only it was EASY to wash the gd thing... = ]

     

  • At 4:49 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    EXACTLY. And cut up the fruit and decide what to have, etc.

    Which is why I want Oprah's personal chef. He could whip up healthy crap all day until he found something I would love as much as a Reese Cup. And then I would be in shape.

     

  • At 7:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Futuresis- just get one of those 'stick' type immersion blenders. Rough cut your fruit in the glass you're going to drink it in and buzz it up. I won't be perfectly smooth, but who cares? It's easy.

     

  • At 1:46 AM, Blogger Steve B said…

    Get the irradiated kind, so you can eat Doritos longer.

     

  • At 8:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Thanks, Scott! You know, we had one of those (received as a Christmas gift) and I got rid of it back in AZ because I didn't know what to use it for. See? People always say, "If you haven't used it in a year, then get rid of it." This is proof to not follow that advice. I have gotten rid of several things that I have later wished I hadn't. At least I have 20% off coupon for Bed, Bath, & Beyond.

     

  • At 10:57 AM, Blogger Jerry said…

    I love healthy smoothies--mostly with a couple shots vodka, but cognac will do in a pinch.

    Alcohol is natures way of saying your fruit is ready for consumption.

     

  • At 11:38 AM, Blogger Domhan said…

    Oh, right. They don't make oranges that big. No way. This is one o' them trompe l'oeil thangs.

    But where on earth did you get an espresso MUG?

     

  • At 1:47 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Irradiated Stick Blender


    Has a nice ring to it.

     

  • At 1:47 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    "Alcohol is natures way of saying your fruit is ready for consumption."

    Heh.

     

  • At 1:48 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Domhan,

    Ain't that trompe l'oeil that big arch in Paree?

    You're right. It's a hoax. That cup is the size of a thimble.

     

  • At 4:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I think I'd like to have some irradiated produce along with a nice big cloned steak.

     

  • At 10:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Doritos are orange. So are cheetos. This makes them fruit. Fritos are yellow. Like bananas. Coincidence? I think not. And those green guacamole Doritos that they used to sell until I pissed off the gods and they smote me? Those were green. Green like Kale and Broccoli and Spinach. And probly healthier. Oh, those guacamole Doritos. What a loss that was to human kind. Sigh.

    Nothing to see here. Move along.

     

  • At 10:29 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Oh my God. That means I have a fantastically healthy diet!

    I LOOOOOVED those guacamole Doritos. Are you sure they're gone???

     

  • At 10:33 PM, Blogger Unknown said…

    You do that too?! Awesome! I think I've got some oranges turning into naval jelly in the crisper as we speak.

     

  • At 10:37 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    I just looked at the Doritos website. They are indeed gone. I just ate those in the last year sometime!

    Mel, yes. I suck. I eat junk. I throw away fruit. I must change my ways.

     

  • At 9:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I can verify that the oranges are putrefying nicely. Of course, so am I, hoping you'll post something again soon....

    WE DEMAND THAT YOU WRITE WITTY, HILARIOUSLY YET ACHINGLY PERCEPTIVE THINGS FOR US!!! WE GROW iMPATIENT!!!!! WE"LL PAY YOU ENORMOUS SUMS OF MONEY!!!!!!!!

    Ahem.

    Please?

     

  • At 7:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What he said.

    Pretty please? With Doritos on top?

     

  • At 1:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Scott-

    You are always right on my wavelength. I was just getting on here to tell Candy that I am sick of looking at the big ass oranges. Where are you? We are all waiting, impatiently-just like the man said!

     

  • At 4:06 PM, Blogger Tony from the Bronx said…

    I know! I know! ... not Rimsky Korsocof...who is it?...the other guy….. Sergei Prokofiev! Effing Prokofiev! “Love For Three Oranges.” The March (Bum, bum bum bum, bumpa BUM) used to be the theme song on the radio show, "The FBI in Peace and War.” You could just see J. Edgar marching right along in his little red dress and Robert Stack and all those guys with hard faces. They looked really good in fedoras; a hat that I hope comes back in my lifetime. Meanwhile, Candy, sell the photo rights. Two words: Sun Kist.

    Sergei Prokofiev … ol' Prokofiev....knew it was him.

     

  • At 6:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    We await your musings. Eet cang be stoopee sheet if you wan. Wees naso peekee.

     

  • At 7:11 PM, Blogger Domhan said…

    I'd like a glass of whatever tony from the bronx is having, please.

    Even if it's orange juice.

    "...J. Edgar marching right along in his little red dress and Robert Stack and all those guys with hard faces" just made me snort real loud.

    thanks, man!

     

  • At 11:08 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    OK, I got the hint, subtle though it was. But I warn you, I'm feeling very boring.

    TONY! You got a blog??? WRITE SOMETHING ON IT. Before I gotta keel you. With a stick.

     

  • At 11:10 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Domhan, I used to get the pleasure of lunching with Tony about once a month. He is one of the funniest people on the planet. And mercilessly quick.

     

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