Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Saturday, August 17, 2013


While I did make meager progress on the first-day handouts today, I mostly did five loads of laundry. Also changed the sheets, did dishes, and ran from the house out into the yard with Scott to enjoy a coughing fit after he nearly suffocated us by bleaching the part of the bathtub he was about to re-caulk. Bleach. It is strong smelling devil gas.

I'm now finished with one and a half syllabi and I'll need three total. Various other crap to hand out on Day One is still in the works, as is my annual pep talk to myself, trying to believe that I won't fall to pieces like a dry crumb cake when I have to re-enter those doors of academia.

A very close colleague and I parted ways last spring over a complicated and stunning misunderstanding that tore us both up inside like a hollow-point bullet. I supposed there's a chance of friendship forming between us again, but it's doubtful and it will never be like it was before. So that adds an extra  rottenness to the beginning of the semester. I'm used to the exhaustion and the chaos. Not so used to the emotional wreckage I'm about to climb back inside. It feels like going to the scene of a horrifying car accident and, after reliving the sounds of metal and the scream that turned out to be your own, being forced to squeeze in behind the broken steering wheel again.


  • At 2:29 AM, Anonymous Steve B said…

    Sheesh! Sounds painful. I feel the same way every time I have to call my ex-wife for something.

    Ever think of doing something different?

  • At 11:28 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Would love to do something different, but what? It's pretty much out of my hands (if we're talking about the colleague thing). He made the choice to end things. So yeah, the different thing I'm doing, I guess, is to learn to allow it to eat me up less than it has been. And that will be very different for the likes of me.
    Thanks for the comment, Steve. So good to be back in touch.

  • At 4:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Praying like mad for you, my friend. Like mad.


  • At 4:51 PM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    Thank you, lz. I need it. Very scared.


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