Candy Rant

"I killed a rat with a stick once."

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Town Hoard House

After a dozen times of passing this house on the way into my hometown, I had to have a photo. My family told me it has looked this way for at least 6 months. No, the neighbors haven't complained.

My new favorite show is "Hoarders" on A & E. I've never devoured any TV program like I do this one. Scott can't stand to watch it. It freaks him out. The various hoarders all have houses that are packed with crap. All kinds of crap. One 21-year-old guy was convinced he could not throw anything away, especially the shedded fur that came off his beloved dog. He was terrified that by disposing of the fur, he was shortening his dog's life.

An elderly couple hoarded cats. They were not sure how many cats they owned, because most were in hiding, inbred and antisocial and diseased. Finally, Animal Control came to visit, with a court order. Guess how many cats they found in that house? SEVENTY-ONE. Guess how many were alive? Thirty-five. Yes. 36 dead cats, from muffin-sized kitten carcasses to an old tomcat who had died draped over a box and had become a perfect, stiff square.

When the cleaner-outers of the house got to the garage (also, like the house, piled a foot deep in debris, cat poop, etc.) they lifted up a board and a skunk popped out and sprayed them, then ran like hell for parts unknown.

When I watch the show (Monday nights, 9:00 central time) I am, in no specific order, disgusted, fascinated, entertained, and made to feel deliciously, stupendously normal.

That is worth the 65 bucks a month for "extended basic" cable.


  • At 1:11 PM, Anonymous Scott P said…

    Oh. "Hoard" house. Had to read it twice.

  • At 9:09 PM, Anonymous Ana said…

    I'm itching just thinking about it. Must shower now.

  • At 3:19 PM, Anonymous Tony said…

    Skunks, they'll do that to you. Lie in wait. Mean little boogers and don't let the cuddly look fool you. They'll spray you as soon as look at you. And you never heard of a high-school football team called the Skunks, have you? There's a reason for that. Take my advice and have nothing, or as little as possible, to do with them.

  • At 12:24 AM, Anonymous JWebb said…

    The same could be said of pack rats in my wood pile. Nancy-boys of the rodent species; interior decorators who artistically place shiny objects, old dog toys and bits of cactus and shapely branches within and without their pungent smelling nests (in which they also incorporate the dessicated remains of dearly departed elderly aunts and uncles). I finally discovered that they cannot resist beef jerky sticks impaled in the quick-death rat traps scattered among the cords of wood. So the pack rats are gone. Now all I get are hapless deer mice smacked in bizarre contorted positions in rat traps. At least they all had a last good meal. Bon apetite!

  • At 5:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    If you see my Mom on that show, please let me know. I can't watch in case I do see her!!

    The Rabbit

  • At 9:09 PM, Blogger E. said…

    God, and I thought "Clean House" was frightening. I didn't even know there was a "Hoard House."

    The best little hoard house in [insert midwestern state]?

  • At 9:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    that's nothin. Up here in the frozen north a house was raided that they found 212 chihuahuas. about 80 dead, and some in the freezer. Many are still waiting to get adopted. I think they burned down the house
    -sparrow (forgot my password. It has been a while...)

  • At 1:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I too am greatly motivated to purge after these shows. I love Clean House, and being able to see a marked improvement. But the other hoarding shows like Buried Alive, I don't feel like there will be a long term commitment to keeping a neat,clean organized home. So that makes me sad.

    I guess I should be freaked out at being a voyeur myself...

  • At 1:12 AM, Blogger Candy Rant said…

    I've never seen "Clean House." Need to see it! I love the motivation from stuff like that, too.


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